‘Coffee badging’: is this new approach to office life working – or shirking? | Work & careers

Name: Coffee badging.

Age: Very much a post-pandemic phenomenon.

Appearance: A piping hot cup of coffee, carried with pride.

Is this some kind of promotional scheme? Technically, it’s more self-promotional.

Whatever. Do I get a free coffee out of it? You do.

In that case, sign me up and harvest my data. That won’t be necessary.

What do I have to do? Just turn up to work in the morning and have a coffee.

Then what? That’s pretty much it. Coffee badging is about showing your face in the office, getting credit for being there, and then leaving as soon as possible.

You’ve just described my dream job, but I feel I might be missing something. In the wake of the shift to working from home necessitated by the pandemic, many companies have been trying to tempt – or force – their employees back into the office. Coffee badging is a minimal, letter-of-the-law response to that effort.

So it’s a form of cheating. Not everybody sees it that way. Coffee badgers go to the office, interact with their colleagues and then fulfil their employment obligations at home. It’s the ultimate form of hybrid working.

OK, but I’ll bet not everybody sees it that way. No. Many employers consider it a brazen type of presenteeism – being there for the sake of being there, and for not very long at that.

But if you’re getting the work done, who cares? Exactly. For employers who value the perception of a full office over actual productivity, coffee badging is the inevitable result.

Then again, any worker who manages to be in the office for 40 hours a week probably finds the coffee badgers quite annoying. Undoubtedly. To the dedicated employee, the coffee badger’s pretend engagement may be a source of resentment.

However, if you’re struggling to fulfil the back-to-office mandate issued by your annoying boss, coffee badging is a decent compromise. Of course; the coffee badgers are just finding their own way to ease back into office life. If it works for them, why quibble?

Now I’m confused – are we for the coffee badgers, or against them? We are for them unless they’re taking the mick, which is unacceptable, while we also reserve the right to coffee badge ourselves if we’ve got a package being delivered to our home in the afternoon.

Can I have tea instead? Yes, as long as you don’t hang about.

Do say: “Can you finish this latte for me? My train’s about to leave.”

Don’t say: “I didn’t even know badgers liked coffee.”