Aquarium Mermaid Bit On Head By Giant Fish, Offered Less Than $100 In Damages

I don’t know about you, but I like going to aquariums. I think that’s pretty universal, at least outside of those lunatics at PETA (who I believe just hate fun and good times more than anything else).

What I’ve learned recently is that if you like your aquariums with a side of wacky nonsense, you’ve got to fly over to China.

That’s where they had an aquarium with robo-whale sharks and now, one aquarium over there has a giant fish biting a mermaid’s head.

Now, what I’m about to say is a weird thing for an adult man to say, but hear me out: I find mermaids fascinating.

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Not that I’m dumb enough to think they’re real, just that sailors ever thought they saw them in the first place.

It’s believed that they saw manatees and thought they were sexy fish ladies. If you’ve ever seen a manatee, that’s insane, but I guess if your gums were dripping from scurvy, and you hadn’t seen a (*Jerry Lewis voice*) LAAAAADDYYYY in years, your imagination can get a little nutty.

But I digress…

Because mermaids are such a big part of undersea lore, some aquariums, like China’s Xishuangbanna Primitive Forest Park aquarium, employ performers to swim in the tanks.

According to The New York Post, that’s what 22-year-old Russian performer Masha was doing when a giant fish decided to go in for a nibble.

Masha, Masha, Masha…

She was reportedly offered a cool $96 (righteous bucks) in “moral damages” and was told to be quiet about the incident.

Of course, someone had their camera rolling…

Hopefully, she’s okay, and I don’t mean to victim blame… but this isn’t the fish’s fault.

I’m going to guess that the fish — the species of which isn’t clear — isn’t up to snuff on nautical mythology. I think that it just sees a big fish swimming around in its tank, which means fair game for lunch.

You can’t hop in a fish tank dressed as a fish and then be upset when it thinks you are a fish. That’d be like dressing up like a ham sandwich and then getting mad that Michael Moore won’t stop drooling all over himself.

I just hope Masha is on the mend and will be back to doing whatever it is that she does in no time.