The Baldwins review – Alec’s dreadful reality show is a new low for TV | Television

I think there are two options here that will allow ourselves to continue our lives without collapsing into total despair. The first is that a secret cell of revolutionary communists has successfully infiltrated the commissioning corridors of the Discovery channel and created its new reality show The Baldwins as a weapon to bring down western capitalism. It stars Alec and Hilaria Baldwin, their seven children and eight pets as they negotiate their chaotic family life split between their Manhattan apartment and East Hampton summer home, with two nannies and a lot of talk about love and “choosing to grow” through problems. Within 20 minutes or so I expect most of us will be prepared to man the barricades.

The second is that The Baldwins is actually a covert addition to the Tina Fey universe. Perhaps The Baldwins (“I have one overriding concern and that is letting seven children know that I love them”) is beyond parody because it is a parody. Maybe, still not over Alec’s consummate performance as the arrogantly oblivious TV exec Jack Donaghy in her masterwork 30 Rock, Tina Fey has made him a gift of this. Otherwise we are left with a third option; The Baldwins is just a reality show designed and timed to ease the actor’s way back into public life and affection in the wake of his trial (ultimately dismissed on procedural grounds after three days) for the involuntary manslaughter of Halyna Hutchins, the cinematographer killed in 2021 when a prop gun went off while Baldwin was rehearsing a scene. And that really would be a rare thing – a new low for television.

Carefully curated authenticity blares from every scene. Look at the rambunctious children who do not take a telling from Hilaria in English or Spanish! Listen as she explains the truth behind the accent and her origins that recently caused the internet to accuse her of faking the way she speaks! What’s that? You’re saying she doesn’t actually explain anything but just says it with an earnest face? Get along with you, we’ve more authenticity to see! This time it’s Alec’s OCD habits! See him tidying toys and rearranging the Hamptons refrigerator! People use the term casually, says Hilaria, but look how much difficulty it causes him and their family! What’s that? The tiny glimpses we are offered of his condition shore up the myth rather than demonstrate the accuracy of what she says? Get along with you, I said! Listen to Alec likening his four sons to munchkins instead!

Watch rapt as a laughing Hilaria confesses that Alec is a curmudgeon and set in his ways but you know what? He is also funny, kind, handsome, “extraordinarily smart” and generous. “I understand Alec because I’ve gotten to understand Alec. And I feel like the world very much misunderstands Alec. He’s a tender soul. Very raw, especially now.”

“Now” – let’s pause for a tiny reminder – refers to that involuntary manslaughter business. During the first few episodes they are awaiting the trial. Baldwin is clearly deeply distressed by it all – Hilaria says he has been diagnosed with PTSD. At one point he mentions that he is happier asleep than awake and doesn’t know how he would have got through it without his family. In the opening episode, Hilaria makes two mentions of Hutchins, the son her death left motherless, and notes that the Baldwins’ pain cannot compare to that of the deceased’s loved ones. Which does beg the question: will this entirely unnecessary show help or further hurt the bereaved family? If Alec Baldwin truly needs the money after a wildly successful 45-year career on both the big and small screen, may I gently suggest that we no longer let actors command their own finances, but automatically appoint a board of trustees as soon as anyone makes more than six figures a year on set? Because this way really isn’t working out for anyone.

Whatever the underlying, distasteful motives the Baldwins’ participation in this may be, the programme may simply backfire on its own terms. Baldwin – an actor cast predominantly in parts that require an unassailable presence and suavity – is so much diminished in and by it. At times he is virtually shambling round, seeming bewildered, often in a grey polo shirt that looks stained, and muttering about his kids too much like any tired, older father. That adds to the authenticity, perhaps, but loses them much more than it gains.

The Baldwins is dreadful, and makes the couple look likewise.